Hello It's Me
by PlantagenetReader
Summary: This story is about what happened at the end of Jemma's appointment with Dr. Garner and a hypothetical phone call with her mother. I own nothing. This is a one shot story. I lack the discipline to complete multi-chaptered items. This my first complete fanfic. Trigger warning PTSD. Rating for angst and emotion. Thank you for the edit assistance Sanctuaria! Much appreciated.


_A/N:A little edit. Thank you Sanctuaria for the grammatical tip! I've been so very inspired ALL of the AgentsOfShield FanFiction stories, especially FitzSimmons centric ones. I think Adele's new single is perfectly timed and has the appropriate moodiness for Jemma Simmons current story line. Feel free to give critical fan fiction this is my first complete story. Trigger warnings - PTSD._

"Jemma, be patient with yourself." Dr. Andrew Garner looked intently back at Jemma Simmons who was seated on her bed.

Jemma immediately averted his intense gaze. She couldn't help but feel judged and that there was something very wrong with her and her thinking. She wanted to scream "I NEED TO GO BACK" out loud, but then she would have to sort through weight of emotion in her chest and have to worry about May's ex husband sticking around more to examine her.

Andrew stood up from his chair and walked to the door, "Jemma, don't write off strawberries just yet."

Jemma looked up and smiled weakly, "Thank you Doctor. I appreciate your time." Andrew nodded before closing the door to Jemma's room.

Jemma Simmons, let out a huge breath of air. It was as if she held her breath during the entire "session." So many thoughts and emotions flowed through her in that one moment. It was overwhelming being by herself and yet, she didn't want to be with anyone at the moment. Fitz couldn't know about her monolith research just yet, Bobbi would judge her and Skye...er Daisy was busy saving the world.

She took another breath and got lost in thought for a moment. In her conversation with Andrew she had picked one morsel of information to give to the Doctor so he wouldn't keep questioning her. Operation Strawberry, she had called her little strategy. The strawberries she ate recently demonstrated a relatively safe and expected story to share from her whole ordeal. She had been calculating in her prep for the session. _Pick something simple Jemma. Stick to it. Don't cry. Don't explode._ Her taste buds seemed mundane enough and strawberries weren't an earth shattering example of what she really was going through. However, in looking back, Jemma wished she had said nothing. The strawberries had trigged something in her and it was hard to keep herself together with the expert in mental health.

"Good job Jemma." Jemma said out loud repeatedly to herself. She knew in her head that she wasn't fooling Dr. Garner regarding her PTSD, but she wasn't a blubbering mess either. "We have to keep moving forward."

Jemma got up from her bed for a moment. Pacing in her room. The strawberries had tasted different...bitter. That was how she felt too - nothing was sweet anymore. The moments and multiple embraces of unspoken emotion and love between her and Fitz weren't as she expected. They were anything but the sweet adorable love she had imagined and she was bitter. Their love was built on innocence that was forever shattered when the monolith swallowed her.

Even, when Fitz called Jemma's parents Professors Paul and Mary Simmons on the phone to give the good news of their daughter was back from being deep undercover — Jemma wasn't sweet or happy. She was just numb.

The strawberries had been a gift a few days later to Jemma. Her parents had sent them through Fitz, not having spoken to her yet, but knowing it was their daughter's favorite breakfast item. Fitz had procured some cream, so that she could have a special meal. Jemma always ate strawberries and cream on special occasions - Wimbledon, her birthday, and whenever she was feeling a bit down. She missed both those events in 2015.

How much had she missed? How could she even begin to start over after...after being on the other side? She wiped tears from her eyes. Since being back, she alternated from numbness, to tears of isolation, to rage - all emotions pre-portal Jemma was not accustomed to regularly. Another emotion triggered by all of these - the bitterness was completely new to Jemma.

A phone ringing on Jemma's night stand startled her out of her deep thoughts. Jemma wiped more tears, and looked down. In big bright letters on her newly acquired iPhone 6S:

MUM & DAD: SHEFFIELD, UK

HOME NUMBER

Jemma hesitated. It had been six months and 24 days since speaking to them. At least they knew now, she was okay. Fitz had been communicating with them...hence the arrival of the strawberries. Jemma didn't want to talk...but she knew that it must be agonizing for her parents to have not heard from her. Even when she was undercover at Hydra, she managed to phone them every few weeks.

Clicking the volume button to low, she picked up. "Hello," Jemma stuttered swallowing hard.

"Jemma," A woman's voice on the other side of the line spoke softly."My brilliant girl, is that you?"

"Hello, it's me. Mum, I'm here." Jemma spoke softly as tears streamed down her cheeks. _Mum can't see you Jemma, just keep it together._ She thought to herself.

"Jemma," Mary Simmons sighed out of relief, "It is so good to hear your voice. Your father told me not to call, but I just couldn't help myself. I needed to hear for myself."

Jemma chuckled softly. _Typical for mum and dad to be divergent here._ Jemma smiled, "Mum, I don't blame you. It's been a little while." Jemma knew her mom would appreciate the understatement of the century.

Aside from breathing,there was silence on both ends of the line for a moment.

"Jem-" Her mom broke in, "I don't want to and won't ask about work. I won't tell you that I've been deeply worried and won't ask as to why I haven't heard from you in so long." The elder Simmons paused for a moment, "It's just...I needed to say I love you."

Again there was silence. Jemma was taking it all in. Of course her parents were worried. At least they hadn't known the real reason for months of "radio" silence. _Would they have given up on me like Coulson and Skye...Daisy if they had known?_ The thought troubled her for a moment. There that feeling was again. Bitterness, anger, rage, and sadness all at once. Of course these feelings weren't directed toward her mother, but this call was bringing them to the surface.

"Jemma, you there?" Her mom sounded concerned.

"Yes mum, I am here." Jemma again swallowed her tears, "Mum, I love you too and I'm terribly sorry for not calling, it's just...it's just..." Jemma trailed off.

"My darling girl, no explanations needed. I just needed to hear your voice. I won't keep you long, but I do want to get on your calendar for a video chat soon...do we think that is possible?" Mary Simmons sounded hopeful and expectant.

Jemma sighed, her hand unconsciously touched the scar above her right eyebrow... _I'm being ridiculous, it's my mother and of course, she's a planner just like me. She's seen worse injuries and won't ask, will she?_ Jemma put her hand down from the scar.

Jemma's mom sensed uncomfortable shift in Jemma's breathing, "Your father would like to join us for the video chat too if that's all right? It doesn't have to be soon, but I would like to see you…whenever you're ready? Again, I know you tend to get bumps and bruises on your job, I won't ask about your appearance I swear."

 _How did you do that mum?_ Jemma thought. "Um..." Jemma was searching for the words, "Yes, we can do that. Just not for terribly long. I am very tired these days. Don't worry but I'm recovering from a slight respiratory infection. Nothing to write home about obviously, but that's why I can't talk long. Let's aim for two weeks?" _That's doable._ Jemma thought, _surely Fitz and I won't have the portal open before then...I mean it took him six months to find me, and I will have to of course tell him so he can help me at some point._ _The respiratory thing was good Jemma. Not lying but not telling the truth either._ In her mind, she felt this was coming together nicely. This would be good she could say goodbye face-to-face to her parents, possibly for the last time. The thought scared Jemma but for some odd reason she felt she had to do it.

"Oh Jemma, you don't know how happy that makes me. It's just been so hard, last year we got used to seeing so much of you. You spent a full 2 weeks here in Sheffield. You even guest lectured in your father's doctoral seminar. The students were riveted. I would love for you to come here again, and maybe teach a class or two with me?" Mary Simmons gushed with joy, perhaps she had gone too far though.

The hope in her mum's voice was heart-wrenching. She loved her parents, but they could never understand...the other side. Over there. The daughter they knew was left on a blue planet full or horrors. _This planet should be aptly named Hell_. Jemma thought bitterly.

"Mum, you teach Scottish & English history. Dad's field of study in archeology is slightly closer to my work in the sciences. Anyway, a video chat is doable. But with work, I will not be able to visit." _It wasn't work_ , she knew that if she and Fitz went to Sheffield, Jemma might not accomplish her mission. Surrounded by the love and comfort of her parents, she would be weak and rethink rebuilding the portal altogether. Jemma could not let anything deter her from her mission. _I have to go back._ Her parents would prevent her from accomplishing what only she could do.

From the silence on the other line, Mary Simmons knew that she had gone too far in suggesting a visit. She was always doing that by accident, pushing her daughter away, "Okay my dear, a video chat will do splendidly. However, I will tell you that Science and History are a lot closer these days than you think." The elder Simmons chuckled at the suggestion.

Jemma suddenly had a quick flash back to the blue planet. The items she had found from her human predecessors - an astrolabe, an blade from the Elizabethan era, and a bottle of scotch from Scotland. Items that she was able to decipher from the training she received from her parents in their respective fields. Except on the planning none of that knowledge mattered. All she could think about was how to stay alive and no matter how priceless the astrolabe had been, it had no use to her. The memories came with a flood of emotion, "Mum." Jemma said sharply. Jemma took a breath and pushed her anguish aside for moment, "I'm sorry."

"Jemma, what for?" Mary Simmons became concerned, hearing the emotion in Jemma's voice.

"Mum, never mind. Know that I love you and dad..." _and Fitz_ she wanted to say, but that would extend this conversation longer than Jemma could consider.

"I love you too...darling, was Fitz able to get you the strawberries?" Mary jumped in.

"Yes, they were delicious." She lied. How simple lying had become.

"Oh good to hear my dear...I can send you more? Fitz is so easy and helpful to work with. I am so glad you two are still working together. He is such a brilliant young man." Mary paused for a moment. No response from her daughter, "Shall I send you some more strawberries?"

"Yes that would be nice mum...um listen, I have to run, but it was SO GOOD to talk to you." Jemma was barely keeping it together. Articulating each consonant seemed to help Jemma from bursting into a scream or sob.

"I understand, you are a brilliant person, and you are needed. Good bye my dearest girl. I can't wait for our video chat in under a fortnight."

"Yes mum..me too. Good bye." Jemma hit the hang-up button and burst into tears and sobs. She crumbled into her pillow on her bed.

 _How would anyone understand what she had gone through on the other side? And once they did comprehend some of it, how could they support her in needing to go back? They wouldn't get the real Jemma Simmons back until she was back on the blue planet, where she lost herself._ The feeling came up again...the bitterness. _No strawberry, no hug, no love will make this go away._ Jemma stopped sobbing and pulled her head from the pillow. She wiped her face and looked for her binder on the monolith.

Looking around her bedroom, she realized she must have left the binder in the lab...

 _A/N: Thank you for reading!_


End file.
